went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
