The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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