"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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