My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
