Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
