I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
