Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
