Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
