She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
