My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
