im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
