he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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