i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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