he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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