I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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