The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My dick has a subreddit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
