Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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