i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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