erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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