I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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