You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
