I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
