he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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