I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
