apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
