Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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