Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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