Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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