Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
