She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
