the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
