M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
