just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
