Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
