marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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