I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
