I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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