i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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