There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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