I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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