Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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