haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
