just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
