every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
