I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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