I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
