Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize