when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
