I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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