yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
