I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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