Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
