you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
