Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
