My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
