mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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