Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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