dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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