Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
