he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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