Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
