i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
