wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
