I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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