well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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