Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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