Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
