3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
