I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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