Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
