you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
