Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
